Whether we’re blasting outwards or fuming inwards, blaming someone always makes things worse. Removing the target, and claiming our anger as our own, fuels insight and effective action.

The way we talk about our anger matters.

When I was young, I saw the world through the lens of black and white. I judged every action as right or wrong, good or bad. I believed that I always knew the “good” and strove to achieve it (and impose it on others). At a deep level, though, I believed that I was fundamentally “bad” and could never measure up to my own standards.

If you are familiar with the Enneagram, you will recognize my Type 1 pattern here. But this post is not about the Enneagram. It’s about how to overcome the self-limiting beliefs that each of us carries inside. These deeply held beliefs emerge from our unique internal wiring and from our myriad life experiences, and they form a subconscious filter through which we interpret our world. By default, they strongly influence the story we initially tell ourselves about any situation.

Dean was trying to cheer Nathan up, but it wasn’t working. It was only when Dean started to really listen that Nathan began to relax.

When prison inmates Mario and Cinnamon got upset with each other, things could have gone from bad to worse. Instead…

Yesterday I had a big disappointment. Several months ago I was asked to apply for a position on the Board of Directors of an organization I belong to. I applied and had an interview, but I wasn’t offered the position. What am I to do with that?

A friend said to me recently, “What these experts and books don’t understand is that sometimes your emotions are so strong that you can’t think of anything else. So the advice they give you is no help.”

We all know what strong emotions feel like. When you’re in their grip, you can indeed be blind to anything else. Yet when you let your emotions take over, you can say or do things you later regret. So what are you to do?