Handling Disappointment

I thought that my interview went well. But because I’m fairly new to the organization, instead of being asked to join the Board I was invited to serve on a committee so that I could become familiar with the organization’s inner workings. Perhaps, after a time, a Board position would be offered to me. The message was delivered with great kindness, but still.

I have never served on a Board of Directors, and I was excited about the possibility of stepping into this role. Now I feel let down, disappointed. There’s a draggy feeling, a weariness, a sadness. I allow myself to feel these feelings and notice my tendency to slide into self-doubt, the familiar territory of “not good enough.” But I focus instead on the feeling of sadness. This is my journey right now—to feel what I feel without turning it into self-pity or self-recrimination.

What about letting myself feel angry too? Yes, there is anger in there. As someone who leads with Enneagram Type 1, it always takes me a while to recognize when I’m angry. My recent learning is to claim my anger without making it about someone else. So I let it be there and know that it’s mine.

For now, I will hold all of this in my awareness as I move through the process of integrating it. I can’t “manage” this process, I just have to live it.

I will wait a while to let them know whether or not I accept the committee position. I need to grieve.