Behind the Bars

When I was a prison chaplain I knew an inmate, Mario, who worked in Staff Dining. Mario’s job was to maintain the salad bar. Another inmate, Cinnamon, also worked in Staff Dining in a different area. Cinnamon had a beef with Mario and started telling him how to do his job. Mario told Cinnamon to fuck off and mind his own business. A fight was brewing.

Cinnamon got called away and the situation passed, but for the rest of the day Cinnamon continued to taunt Mario. Mario was furious but held it in.

Mario had just started taking The Art of Communication, and that evening he opened his workbook to the page with the skill of “Returning to Your Intention.” He read, “I want to sort this out in a way that works for both of us.” It seemed to say to him, “Use me.” He said it out loud: “I want to sort this out in a way that works for both of us.” Part of him liked the sound of this and part of him said, “You’re going to fucking look weak if you start being nice to someone who doesn’t deserve it.”

Even so, over the next few days he forced himself to practice saying it hundreds of times: “I want to sort this out in a way that works for both of us.” As he was practicing, he avoided any contact with Cinnamon.

Three days later, Mario and Cinnamon were together at work again. Cinnamon started taunting Mario. Mario pulled Cinnamon aside, took a deep breath, and said, “Look, I want to sort this out in a way that works for both of us.” Cinnamon was stunned. He paused a beat then said, “Okay. I was just teasing.” Mario said that he didn’t tell Cinnamon how to do his job, and he didn’t like Cinnamon telling him how to do his. He said he respected Cinnamon.

Both of them relaxed. They said a few more respectful words to each other and went back to work. Nothing was ever said about it again.